autumn shadows

good monday morning, i am kinda enjoying a cup of coffee with irish cream in it--but the creamer doesn't have much flavor----i think i will get the cinnamon one again soon-----

i hope you all had a good weekend---i hope ya did something you liked to do and not just work, unless that is what you wanted to do---

yesterday afternoon we went for a ride---i kept feeling kinda restless and content at the same time----it was a beautiful sunny day, but i told frank, the shadows of the sun were more like fall days---

i love fall---i get tired of summer right after the 4th of july ----recently i have remarked how it even feels Christmasy to me some days-----

i tell myself to not rush summer along, to let it linger and caress me-----i think i could do that better at the beach--

but i have always been this way, feeling the seasons before they are here and missing the previous one when the new one truly begins, even if only a little-----

it is coming up on the anniversary of my mother's death------even as my mother lay dying last august, i knew, that this was a beautiful time in our family's life-----it is a gift when a love one passes with their family around and has the time to talk and laugh and regret and cry unashamed---for few are the times we let this happen----

life is full of paradoxes and mysteries and true beauty comes in many forms and experiences--

yesterday i felt the nudging that something should happen, that life had something golden, just ahead of the bend----that all my good days were not over and all of my hopes and dreams were not as finite as i may have once thought in my younger days--

something told me as i saw autumn in the glow of the trees, that my spirit would soar once more, and i might even touch a miracle or two---

or relish the feelings of uncertainty with hope and wonder as never before---

friday--ketchup

okay, it's friday and i think i have only posted once this week so i thought i would sit here and see where my fingers took me---

this week---sick---okay now---don't worry i am not going to complain on this post---at least that is not my plan at this point in the blog---

robyn is getting ready for a day with a friend---he has some sort of surprise for her and i think they may be going to the "historical society" so it should be a nice day for them----

i plan to read--catch up on my blog and friends---and look and see if i have any cards to make out for several people that have been on my mind and heart----

i like to send cards and especially like looking for them---and sometimes buying a box of blank cards-----my grandmother (queenie) used to remember everyone's birthday and always sent a card, always including a bible verse-----for a while i did the same thing---but got out of the habit of doing it---hmmmm i may start again--

i think part of the reason i stopped putting the verses with it, is because, when i did, i would put a verse, that i felt was speaking to me for them---but then i was too aware of what they might think i was trying to say to them--hahaha---the things and thoughts that hinder us---always there huh--

another kinda busy weekend---tomorrow morning, robyn and a friend are giving free ballroom classes at our church---i hope they have someone come----if it goes well, she wants to do it more often--she is targeting it to the older people at church----robyn has a very soft spot and interest in older people---

after the class, she and her friend have the last class at their ballroom in the "west coast" swing---then they are on to "hustle"---robyn loves the hustle and wanted to teach it at church--i told her to not lead with that one-----tomorrow's church lessons are tango and foxtrot-----

i am hoping and praying i can find somewhere for robyn to take some more dance classes this fall--she is getting an interest back in jazz and maybe ballet----

i am watching some of my grand-kids tomorrow afternoon----last weekend i bought a tent with a tube attached--so i am thinking the younger ones are going to enjoy it---i'm gonna set it up in the house---they are always wanting to make a tent of the chairs, sofa etc.-----ha, they might not like one that is so realistic :)

frank is teaching Sunday school class again this week as our friend and teacher is away----i know frank is enjoying teaching recently--and has been using that book i was telling y'all about--"destined to reign"--by joseph prince----

oh and something silly that i got excited about---i just saw where "glade" has put out a peach plug in---two problems, other than they are a little too high for me in price----why didn't they put this out in may or june, after all it is a summer fragrance and why isn't it even in the stores----i am already burning my spicy fall candles----as i screamed to tell robyn when i saw the commercial for the new plug in robyn laughingly scolded, "mom, you realize you are like the grand-kids when they see toy commercials"----so

sometimes

i want to smile and say i'm great couldn't be better----i believe the healing power, i believe the awesome wonders----

i want to go and go and not get tired----i understand the fleeting moments--i care about the rose not smelled--

sometimes i flinch when i realize the passing of time and faces and things---and shutter to know that the images fade and life's changes can sometimes bring confusion

i look at the sun as it streams through my curtains and wonder why i don't see it through the clouds, it's still there

i wish i could take in the brightness and hold it there, to comfort me in the not so illuminated ones---

or be like a bouncy cloud that dips and reforms-----

i stretch and i hold out my finger tips and something pushes back and i know that all is well-

to bleach or not to bleach

i think i might be becoming a little boring--but i don't really care haha--my fb status was just about whether one uses bleach or comet to clean their toilets----i always use one or the other but can't decide which one is doing a better job--

it is kinda strange how i am all about cleaning products and methods, when cleaning is one of my least favorite things to spend time doing------

i won't spend much either on cleaning products--now if i had plenty of disposable income, i would--i would probably be a sucker for any and all new products that claim they are the latest thing and get the job done better and faster---

i, like a lot of people are always looking for a faster way to do things---especially things i dislike doing---

i just got back from the grocery store ---the manager is always very friendly and talkative to robyn and me ---today he was checking people out---i went in his line, but the line next to me opened up so i moved over to that checker-----the manager said in a kidding voice--"i can't believe you did that"----i told him speed trumped everything when it came to grocery shopping----i simply hate grocery shopping!!--

i think my loathing for the grocery stems from a bad experience i had as a child---i may have shared it already--but quickly, it was when i got stuck behind the grocery cart and thought my mother was going to leave me in the line----and the lady checking us out, said what a bad girl i was, to cry like i did---stupid lady---

the other time was when i was about 23 or so----i always did the grocery shopping for frank and myself----the day was no different than any other weekly shopping trip----the store was very near my house and near my mom and sister too---i was meeting them there-----i arrive in the parking lot and look around, i don't see my mom's car anywhere, so i sit in my car waiting-----suddenly i feel light headed and my heart is beating  like crazy-------

i run into the store and tell them, to please call me an ambulance because i for sure am having a heart attack----my mom and sister come in to find me on the floor and people all around me------make a long story short, i am taken to the hospital---and that began weeks of test upon test, only to find out i have an extremely fast heart rate and most likely panic attacks----

wow i am sharing way too much of myself these days, huh------but i think all of that has something to do with my detesting to grocery shop----

so i like a fast cleanser a fast trip to the grocery store and anything else that i don't enjoy, i like to do it with the utmost speed-------just popping by to share a bit with all of you today and btw, my leg is doing pretty good--thanks for all of the nice comments:)

the bath mat

i hit my leg this morning on the side of the tub---i was stepping in and the mat slipped, sending my leg that was outside of the tub, into the side of the hard plastic---you wouldn't think it would have hurt so much--but it did---it made a loud enough noise, that it sent robyn running in to check on me-------i have quite a knot and bruise---but i think i will make it---

the only reason it freaks me out just a little, is because it is the leg i have had a "dvt" in before---

the only other time i have hurt that leg since the dvt was when my son's doggy pulled me down the front steps while i was holding her leash---landing me onto the ground and slates-----i had a huge knee for a while but managed to be okay----

i had my dvt back in '91 a couple of weeks after my son carter was born----they say it was from the c-section--that it is always a chance of having a blood clot after any surgery-----

i remember the night i discovered something was wrong with my leg----as i went to go up the stairs to bed--i realized my right leg was hardly working and my knee was hurting-----it was feburary and i had jogging pants on---as i sat on the side of my bed i could barely get the pants leg off---then is when i saw how big my leg was--it had to be three times the size of the other leg----

i stayed in the hospital for a week----they said i was lucky i didn't lose my leg and that the majority of people never have any symptons until it is too late-----

i will never forget how hard it was to miss my kids, especially my newborn ----it was an awful time in my life----my daughter eden had just passed away a little over two weeks before my son carter was born-----

i didn't really plan for this blog to take this path today----

i guess my nasty bump and bruise just brought all the memories and fears of  some very dark days in my past----

i am going to get a new bath mat later today--

"give me a head of hair, long beautiful hair"

something told me i should write about hair today----

robyn just finished touching up my roots with my rich brown color---she does this for me every few weeks---it's not that the color washes out but how fast my roots grow--

over the years i have had mainly long hair---but a few styles that i remember very well--

for those of you who are old enough or like to watch old movies----remember barbra streisand's curly short cut in the late seventies----she had it that way in "a star is born"---by the way--i adored this remake and especially because one of the hottest actors and singers around was her co-star---kris kristofferson-----his hair was longer than hers, i think----

anyway i loved her and had been told through the years how i resembled her---so i had to try the new look---

i think i was in the salon or "beauty parlor" as we called it back then---for at least 5 hours---the style did not look good on me at all and besides that, she had burnt my hair---i ended up going to a beauty school (i had used almost all my money on the high end salon) and had them take the perm out and---they ended up having to cut my hair really short----

back when wigs were the thing to do, i wore a short blonde curly one with a thick scarf tied around it---that was in the summer when i was about 16---i was visiting my sister in biloxi miss and wore it much of the time, it worked out well, with all the humidity, i couldn't do anything with my hair anyway---

i have had red hair----orange hair---blonde and low lights----and just about every shade of browns and blacks there are-----

in my senior year of high school, i did something really brave---i cut my hip length hair to a short shag style--it was just a few weeks before graduation---there is a picture of me in the yearbook, frowning about how the cap for the ceremony, made my new hair stick out--

for the most part, frank cuts and styles my hair---he hates to, but loves the price---he really is pretty good at it---i have even cut my own a couple of times---and it wasn't bad---as a matter of fact i am toying right now with the idea of cutting mine----

speaking of frank---he is very adventurous with his own hair---i will never forget----one saturday night he asked me if i thought he should color his hair a new shade---his hair was sorta brownish blonde at the time----the next day was our church Easter play---i was the director and he was my "gofer"---so i asked him not to do it until maybe the next week----remember i told ya how frank is a little strong-willed----well

i had gone to bed---he comes out of the shower waking me up---he asked--"is this a little bright"----i kid you not, his hair was glowing---i mean he looked like bozo the clown---

i had to pray the next day for God to forgive me for wanting to kill frank while trying to direct the Easter play--

                                        

                                      

goodwill hunting ( i just made that up too:)

i just got back from a trip to the "goodwill" store----i have stuff i need to take up there later this week to donate---

i don't usually buy much from there--except for books and the occasional tea-cup---once in a while, robyn will look for a vintage piece of clothing, for her fashion blog she does----she hasn't been keeping up with it of late, so today she was on the prowl for the perfect fashion statement---

she found a couple of really cute sweaters and a beautiful evening gown----she paid for it and it all came to $14!

i also found a messenger bag for frank---i had thought of getting him one on father's day and then his birthday---but everywhere i looked, that i thought would have them, didn't---so today i saw a "perry ellis" bag for $5---i think it is a little dated but, hey when i googled older bags, they go for a lot more than new ones----now if i can get him to throw out his horrible bag he carries now--

his birthday yesterday went well--he had a lot of people text him and call, wishing him a happy birthday---
i told him next year we are doing his celebration on his actual day----this year, poor robyn ended up making him 3 cakes (remember the cherry cake mistake--so had to use the favorite carrot cake)-----it's all good, i guess he is worth it----but kids ya better start clearing your calendars for next year------turns out, they all could have made it last night anyway----

i invited my dad last week and last night--but he wasn't feeling like coming out-----he's doing fairly well, but i think it is hitting him, that it will soon be a year since mom passed away----

since i wrote about my darling mannequin boy, i have taken a picture of him, which i will post here---

oh and any of you, looking to find something very inexpensive for young kids to do, even inside----on frank's birthday thing---i bought a few toys for the grand-kids to share and play with while they were here-----the biggest hit (and next time i will get at least 4) was a plastic fishing pole with a few sea creatures to catch---i will post the pic for ya----

oh btw--the tire was able to be plugged, which has kinda freaked me out even more---but frank is a teeny bit stubborn so i think i will have to deal with it- unless i wanna sneak and take it in myself---everyone including my dad, who was the owner of his own gas station and a mechanic for years---says plugging, even from the outside is just fine------but i am not so sure my dad's blessing is much of a comfort as he did wonderful work for his clients, but mom always complained how he fixed our cars with duct tape and coat-hangers----ewwwww i think i might have married my dad----

well i wanted robyn to try on her dress and let you guys see it, but she won't--i think she is saving it for her fashion blog---------

totally random---but robyn thinks she and i should go take a pottery class-----she says to me today--and i quote--"hey mom, what if you and i become all artsy"--------gotta love her

                                         

"love don't buy no tires"--the post- not the book

"love don't buy no tires"---this is the title to one of the books i think i have mentioned before, my friend susan and i have been saying forever that we are going to co-author this best seller!

today, i was reminded of this yet to be masterpiece----

robyn and i had gone to buy some needed items, when my hawk-eye discovered a nail or screw in my front driver side tire-----"i told you frank, that i thought that tire was a little low!!"--we darted in the store for a couple of minutes, didn't purchase anything, and drove back home--relieved when we arrived in our driveway, with air to spare------tires freak me out---

i wish they could make a tire that does not ever go low or cannot ever give you a problem no matter what the tire may pick up-----they probably do make something like that---but i mean an affordable one for the general public---

shoot for that matter, i would be happy if i could buy all matching tires or even one new tire, instead of the used ones we always have to get-----

i thought at first i would complain today about our lack of money--but then i thought many things--
1-no one wants to hear that
2-no one cares
3-it makes me look bad
4-everyone will know i am not rich
5-people will think i am a loser
6-i want people to think money is not important to me
and the list goes on-----

but here i am kinda complaining huh------i do want ya to know, that i wake up every morning, thankful and understanding, whether i live or die, i do it unto the Lord----

i am a cock-eyed-optimist----and an eternal dreamer------i seriously know how blessed i am------

but i still want all new tires---

you know, sometimes when i hear people say--"hey i still have some tread on some of my tires, maybe you could use one of them"------do what---you mean people get all new tires even when they don't have to----i say "oh thanks but that isn't the size we have"-----

it's like my dad a couple of years ago, put on a new roof---i personally think he was taken-----his roof didn't leak, it was fine----so why do people get new roofs before they need them-----i guess to make sure they never get any surprise leaks-------i mean my dad is 87 years old----ya get my point---his money, not mine----oh and hey i am not trying to pick on my dad--just making my sad points haha

i am sure there are people in india and right here in the good old usa that would question why i spent money the way i do-----"it's all relative"----(i just made that up :)

cake and sex

does anyone else think this thurday feels like a monday---

i hope everyone enjoyed their 4th holiday--

we did---we actually went ahead and celebrated my husband's birthday yesterday--it was almost a week early--but hey, at his age, ya never know--jk-

we didn't do the cook-out thing--cause then it would be him cooking and what kind of break would that be--

i was going to do cold-cuts, or maybe subs and cold salads, baked beans, that kind of thing--but we settled on pizza and salad--along with a couple of trays with veggies and fruits---

we had two cakes, robyn made----i had bought frank's favorites---caramel and carrot ---tuesday night i was having some ear and teeth pain, so robyn baked the two cakes---i didn't even go in the kitchen until afterwards---and then i see one of the cake boxes in the trash---i ask---what kind of cake was that----she tells me it was cherry chip---of course i ask her why she would make that one----just a mistake, she didn't know i had carrot----i don't know how she missed that part, but she did------as a matter of fact, the cherry cake was only bought, because it was a discontinued item on sale and i thought hey we could make it sometime-----oh well, i told her it all worked out well because, now we still have the carrot cake to make on his real birthday------and besides, i had a friend and her daughter come over today and they loved the cherry cake-----they loved it so much, they wanted to know if we could make it for the baby shower, we are giving for my friend's daughter--

but i reminded them--it was a discontinued cake mix--too bad--

speaking of my friend and her daughter---i cannot believe, how stupid i was today-----okay, the daughter who is pregnant, does not want to know the sex of the baby---but the baby's dad knows and had an envelope for me--so i could know and plan the baby shower accordingly-----

well why i took the envelope and ran into the bathroom with robyn as soon as they got here today, i will never know------it occurred to me right after i looked at the piece of paper, concealed in two envelopes, that i could have looked after they left---

the whole time i was on pins and needles--afraid robyn or myself would let it slip, what the baby was------i cannot put it here as i think maybe my friend reads my blog, every once in a while-----

oh well, we made it through the visit without me divulging the sex of the baby to my friend or her daughter---my friend really wants to know------so i told her i will not be talking to her until the shower, which is like 4 or 5 weeks away---only on facebook haha

gotta go----:)

our mini vacation

good monday morning everyone----

frank had the last few days off--hence the long posted--"re-post" of taxi----

we had told ourselves we were going to the beach, come hell or high water--but didn't happen this time--maybe later --maybe in the off-season--

not to whine, because we really did have a lot of fun these last few days----we ate out--went to a movie--rented lots of movies and even got a little Christmas shopping done for my 7 grand-kids---never too early to start, as i have always promised them 5 gifts each---and i love every minute of shopping for them--

okay now a little whining-----this was the 4th year we have not been with all of my kids and their kids to the beach----i know---wow, things could be so much worse, huh----but i so miss doing it------

my hope and prayer is that we will all go together again----

when i was a child we always went on vacations---my dad, who owned a gas station and garage, was always hesitant to leave anyone else in charge---so we usually when on a thursday and came back on a Sunday---we would even go to church there----it was a charming small white framed, no air-conditioned church---i remember how it felt---you were always sunburned and sticky---but it was wonderful---

when my kids were very young, we always took vacations too---if we didn't make it to the beach---we would rent this horrible little river place-----we went there many years------it is on the rappahannock bay----but the cottage was a mess---but cheap---right in our budget----i believe we paid something like fifty dollars for a 3 day weekend------then as the kids got older, we would go to nags head-

we sacrificed borrowed or somehow managed to do it for all those years-----but now-----hmmmm, i'm not sure the "private" sector is doing okay---don't worry i am not gonna get political--

the movie we saw in the theater, this week was somewhat about people having a hard time financially--i mean it wasn't the theme per say of the movie but it was what lead them to "the best exotic marigold hotel"----i am not sure how i would "review" this movie--i guess only to say, i am glad i saw it---and it was pretty much how i thought it would be---but, for me, there was a lot missing---great ensemble though--

our church had a "hats" day and picnic yesterday----again, i looked around and thanked God for all of the wonderful eclectic bunch of people, i am blessed to worship with----i am not sure why--but in summer, i seem to appreciate more this small, inter-city church, that is more like a country church----

so all in all a pretty awesome few days, even without the much desired beach trip----

the kids are healthy, the grand-kids are healthy, frank is healthy and my dad is doing well-----i have my electricity back--bad storms this weekend-----and i have all of you wonderful blogging family--hopefully missing me and reading today-----joy to you all---make it a great monday <3